Light In The Darkness
by ograndebatata
Summary: Even before setting foot on the Titanic, he didn't like the ship. Even before setting for on the Titanic, she dreaded the voyage. When they meet, both find a kindred spirit in the other. But both also have to deal with the obstacles that are thrown into their course. Revamped version of my old story 'Of Feelings And Fears'.


_Hello, readers, and welcome to this story._

 _Some of you may be coming here from my other story about this topic, titled Of Feelings And Fears, which dabbles in this very topic. _

_As I said in one of my final notes for that story, I wanted to redevelop it both because of what I have since learned about the Titanic and because I feel the writing in the initial story is a bit too cringe-worthy, so I'm basically restarting from scratch._

 _The old story will stay up for all those who wish to read it, but for all intents and purposes this will be the actual story._

 _I hope you enjoy it._

* * *

 **Prologus – Grievance**

 _Southampton, April 3rd, 1912, 08:25 GMT_

She was the largest ship ever made in the history of mankind, a glorious wonder that put any vessel that came before her to shame. She was an unprecedented marvel of shipbuilding, an unique vessel throughout the seven seas, the crown jewel of her line, the last word in the shipping business.

 _Or she would be all those things if not for her sister_. Captain Herbert James Haddock thought as he paced in the chartroom of the White Star Line's _RMS Olympic_ with all the vigor of a caged lion, his hands firmly clasped behind his back as if the gesture would hold his own restlessness.

For almost a year, the ship he would captain on her journey to New York had been able to truly boast all such titles. But as far as Haddock was concerned, she had been supplanted as of yesterday by her younger sister, the _RMS Titanic_ , the second of her line, currently on her way from the Harland & Wolff shipyards to the very berth the _Olympic_ would leave in a little under four hours. Granted, she had only done her very hasty sea trials yesterday, and she was still in the middle of her delivery trip, so the 'firstborn sister' still had a full week before being officially outcompeted, when the _Titanic_ 's maiden voyage began.

Haddock stopped and looked at the chartoom's doorway. If those were his only grievances, he'd be calmer than a lake. Second-best or not (and it was a very marginal second-best) the _Olympic_ was a magnificent ship, and any Captain should feel proud to be chosen to captain her. Even if captaining the _Titanic_ would have been an edge better, thousands of captains across the world would never have a chance half as good as his'.

But with everything the White Star Line had thrown at him, he was as trained to captain this ship as a toddler with no swimming experience was to get out of the ship's swimming pool. It was as much a career opportunity as it was a disaster waiting to happen.

Haddock resumed his pacing even more quickly than before. Why? Why did his employers throw him into what amounted to a shark-infested pool?

"You know you'll wear out the floor if you keep that up, don't you?"

Haddock flinched so hard that his cap almost flew off his head. He straightened it and then turned to the voice. Sitting on the chartroom couch, his wife looked at him with a mix of bemusement and concern.

In spite of his sour mood, Haddock managed to quip, "Mabel, if walking around the chartroom was all it took to wear out the floor, any rumours about cost-cutting on these ships would be far too true for my taste."

Mabel made a deliberate shrug.

"They do say most rumours have a real basis…"

Though not the most brilliant quip, Haddock chuckled at his wife's remark. Then his face darkened again at his ensuing thought.

"If only certain other things about this ship were rumours…"

But just as he was about to resume his pacing, Mabel sprung up from the couch and planted her hands on her hips.

"Are you trying to pop a vessel, Herbert? Because that's what will happen if you keep dwelling on that!"

Haddock sighed.

 _With the lot I drew, I just may pop the vessel I'm standing on for all I know!_

But instead of voicing that thought, he replied instead, "What can I say? It keeps coming back."

"Do you want me to fetch the broomstick and beat it away?"

A laugh split Haddock's mouth before he raised his hand to muffle it. The pictures she could paint… Hopefully no member of the crew had overheard her remark or his barked laugh.

And then, as if he was under a curse, any joy he felt flew away as his current bane returned to the forefront of his mind.

"I'd rather you beat the idiots who picked my crew," he replied with a scowl. "If it actually did any good, at least."

"Well, you wouldn't get to captain this ship for sure."

Haddock winced at the words. Though he knew Mabel had been playing along and he was not actually asking her to do so such a thing anyway, the mere picture of the _Olympic_ 's captaincy flying away hurt like a punch to gut. Stepping down from the post would be more stupid than jumping from her in the middle of a storm.

 _And yet…_ He thought as he faced the wall.

Yet his fear of popping his vessel with the crew he had been given was not a complete exaggeration. There was no telling how much value his experience would have in this ship, and what kind of perils absent from smaller vessels were to be feared.

A familiar weight settled on his right wrist, and just as familiar fingers wrapped it. His heart an edge lighter and heavier all at once, Haddock looked along his wife's hand and arm until he met her eyes as she stood beside him. Concern poured out of her gaze.

"Are things really that bad?"

He sighed once more, the air coming out of his lungs like wet cement.

"You saw this ship. She's like a floating version of Mount Olympus itself." At his wife's faint puzzlement, he added, "Granted, ships have been growing like mad over the last years, but to move from the _Oceanic_ to here is like escaping a storm to sail into a typhoon."

He turned to his left; Mabel released him as he walked to the other end of the chartroom and then turned back to her.

"She's not a vessel, she's a populated town. And I have to guide her across the Atlantic while keeping everyone aboard safe from harm." He scowled as the real crux of the matter came both to his mouth and the forefront of his mind. "And to top it off, I have to basically sail blind and make do with a crew who's doing the same for the most part!"

For the first time, Mabel blinked in confusion.

"But dear, you were on the _Titanic_ for days before coming here..." she pointed out, trailing off as if unsure she was making a valid point.

"Yes, I was." Haddock acknowledged. "And that's better than nothing. But the _Titanic_ laid as still as a mountain for all the time I was aboard her - I didn't get any true navigational experience."

True, there had been no time for that, but the company could have made an effort to provide it. Even being aboard the _Titanic_ for her sea trials would have made a world of difference. But the White Star had been in a hurry to get him here, so that the _Olympic_ could leave as soon as possible. An understandable motivation, even if one that ultimately came down to money. Far less understandable was the fact he'd been left with hardly anyone both competent and experienced with this kind of ship.

The mere thought lashed at Haddock to the point he threw up his hands.

"Blistering barnacles!" he cursed. "Why couldn't I have been left with at least one proper experienced crewman?"

For the first time, Mabel stood up, her hands ready to move to her hips.

"Be reasonable, dear. Surely they can't all have gone to the _Titanic._ "

Haddock pursed his lips shut at the sterner edge to her tone. Whether it was because she thought he was speaking too loud or because she felt his words were not true, he couldn't tell.

In either case, he took a deep breath before he acknowledged her words.

"Maybe not all of them, but a lot of them sure did." _About two hundred, I'd say._ Haddock added inwardly, from what he remembered hearing both back in Belfast when he was with the _Titanic_ and around the _Olympic_ since he'd arrived. "And even if we only talk about leading figures, Smith's keeping just about all of them! He's keeping Wilde, Murdoch, McElroy, Latimer, Bell, O'Loughlin, King…" He threw his hands up again. "By Jove, he even kept Jenny!"

His wife's eyes narrowed in puzzlement. "Who's Jenny?"

"She's the _Olympic_ 's cat. Or was, until Smith decided she had to be on the _Titanic_ as well!"

His wife seemed about to burst into laughter; her hand flew to her mouth to muffle it, but her shoulders kept shaking from her chuckles. In spite of himself, Haddock couldn't help but to chuckle as well. Having said it out loud, it did sound ridiculous. As many issues as he could have with 'the millionaires' Captain', he doubted the man had been involved in that decision. If E. J. Smith could personally worry about a matter as trivial as the ship's cat... the scenario was so outlandish that Haddock didn't even know what he would think!

Mabel's muffled laughter ceased abruptly as her eyes widened and her first look of genuine fear and concern since she had arrived came to her face.

"Did you say Wilde?" She stepped forward, the worry on her face even more intense. "As in Henry Wilde?"

Haddock nodded, his brow creased. Why was Mabel so startled?

"Dear, he's on the _Olympic_ right now! How can you say Smith's keeping him as well?"

Clarity hit him like a slap. He stepped to his wife and rested a hand on her upper arm.

"I know Wilde is here, honey. I'm not daft, and I'm not old enough to be senile either." Mabel visibly deflated at those words. He caressed her cheek in further reassurance before he went on. "But Wilde will only be here until the _Olympic_ leaves. He's staying behind to help the _Titanic_ get ready for sailing."

 _And knowing Smith like I do, he'll find a way to get Wilde on the officers' roster as well._ He added inwardly as his gaze strayed to the open door. _I pity whoever Smith will have to boot out to make room for Wilde._

Haddock forced his expression and posture to stay normal, but his arms itched to rise again. Why? Why couldn't Smith have left him keep someone? Why did he have to be so selfish? He wasn't the only captain who needed experienced officers on his ship!

But need them or not, it seemed he'd have to make do without them. As much as the idea filled him with dread.

Despite his efforts, such thoughts must have shown on his face again, as Mabel spoke up.

"I don't pretend I know how frustrating it is. But I'd say it's enough to make you want to pull out your hair." She held his left hand between both of hers. "But think about it. If you throw your post away at this time, what effect will it have for you? And worse, what effect will it have for the ship itself? Who's to say whoever they pick to replace you won't do even worse than you would have done?"

None of the pictures she painted looked pleasant. And put together...

"I understand it must be frustrating," she soothed. "And I wish I could do something about it. But you can do it. I trust you."

Haddock turned his eyes downwards as another seemingly-solid sigh left him. He knew Mabel trusted him with this - more than he trusted himself, if he were honest - but that did not make things any easier. It made them worse, if he were honest. Disappointing the company and getting fired would be one thing… but actually disappointing his wife and children was even worse.

His face must have been an open book again, as Mabel squeezed his hand. He looked up to meet her gaze.

"And no matter what happens next, I am here for you."

Once more, Haddock sighed. But somehow, this time, his muscles felt looser and lighter as the air left his lungs. Despite his fears of disappointing her, he had never thought Mabel would leave him over a bad performance. Yet, for some reason, hearing her say it worked some kind of magic. He could not put words to it, and he did not want to, but it made him more ready to face whatever was coming, even if he did not know what it was.

A series of raps to the door gave him a good idea. Both Haddock and Mabel started as if coming out of hypnosis. A heartbeat later, the captain stood random straight even as he turned on his heels toward the door frame, now filled by a tall brawny man leaning into the wheelhouse.

"Captain, sir? We are set to finish preparations for departure."

Haddock nodded. "Thank you, Mr. Wilde. I will be along shortly."

Wilde nodded. Apology mixed with longing flashed across his face as he regarded the Captain and his wife. But Haddock barely had time to register it before the man straightened himself and left.

Haddock wouldn't say it out loud, but he appreciated that Wilde didn't display the typical disdain for lack of propriety most men would.

Then he inwardly kicked himself as he remembered the reason Wilde was so understanding of him.

Mabel's words yet again broke him out of his thoughts.

"I stand by what I said about trusting you," she stated. "But all the same, please do be careful. It can't do any harm."

"True."

 _Smith himself is proof enough of that._ Haddock added inwardly. He might claim he'd had a dreadfully dull career, but given some accidents he'd been involved in, one of which had only happened last year and had involved the very ship Haddock stood on, Smith must have a peculiar notion of what was exciting.

 _Hopefully the_ Titanic' _s maiden voyage will be dull by another set of standards._

Haddock perished the thought. It would be. Or at least, it seemed as likely as humanly possible that it would be. Smith was the most experienced man for the job, and he would have a trove of equally experienced crewmen with him, and the _Titanic_ 's maiden voyage would surely push them all to be extra careful. Anything happening seemed a preposterous thought.

And then Mabel leaned toward him for a last quick farewell, sending any further thoughts on the matter flying away.

* * *

 _That's all for now._

 _I know many people say nowadays that prologues are no longer used... but I still feel this story needed one. I hope it feels like a more proper prologue._

 _This time around, I won't go into as many details regarding the specifications of the Titanic in my author's notes, as I feel they kind of bog down the 'ending section' a bit more than they should. However, if there's any particular tidbit you'd like to know more of, feel free to leave me a note through here or through a message and I'll do my best to share it with you._

 _Happy reading!_


End file.
